Bookbags for Charity
At the Fairplex in Pomona, California, is where we find “God’s Gift” Jeremiah Vastrix. He is sitting behind a table with the AWS Undisputed championship belt sitting on the table in front of him. Pallets and pallets of school supplies sit behind him while workers put together supplies into bookbags to set onto the table. Jeremiah takes a bookbag full of school supplies and hands it to a child in line with their parents. Occasionally, he autographs a bookbag for the child in question. The line to get the supplies is rather long, and Jeremiah seems to be enjoying himself as he gives away the finished products. He looks at the camera after giving away a Bluey bookbag to a young girl.
Jeremiah Vastrix - Every year at about this time, I find myself at a park in a major city and help give out school supplies to those in need. This year, the bump in pay from winning the AWS Undisputed championship has given me the extra funds to buy even more school supplies than normal. I was even asked to sign a few of them. I’m sure those will become popular students. Probably.
Another student walks up, a young middle schooler. She points to the bookbag that she wants. A Huntrix-themed bookbag. Jeremiah hands over the bookbag and makes eyes at the young mother, who seems to be a single mom. Or, at least there without the husband being there. She giggles a little as Jeremiah hands over the bookbag, but it doesn’t go any further from there as the young girl wants to move on from there to the free meal offered.
Jeremiah Vastrix - I think I covered this kind of promo with Boone, you know? Tyr, come on. You can’t be really so dense that you cannot keep track of the words that you are saying to me and that you repeated yourself at least three times in your little promo against me. Jesus H Christ, that’s a lot. Say what you’re going to say and let it stand. You repeat yourself like you’re the smartest guy in the room, but you’re not. If you are like Tyr, God of War, which I imagine so far that you are. There is a reason why he only had one hand. After placing his hand into the mouth of Fenris like an idiot so that they, the other Asgardians, can chain the wolf up with unbreakable chains.
Jeremiah hands out a bookbag to a young boy, who seems thrilled at the G1 Transformers bookbag.
Jeremiah Vastrix - You spent a long time talking about the same things. It really makes you seem like a blithering idiot who can only come up with a few things to have to say about me. What? You think I disrespect the company by saying that I am better than everyone? I proved that fact, remember? Winning the rumble and defeating the champion in the ring gave me the right to say that in a single night, I was better than everyone else. Weren’t you there in the rumble that I won? I won the rumble; I won the title. No matter what I have to say on the subject, I have done these things. Facts, mister. Facts.
Jeremiah gives away a few more bookbags with a smile as the kids seem thrilled about the free supplies and the free food. They are also no doubt thrilled by the carnival rides that were also set up for the day for the kids and young at heart to ride for free.
Jeremiah Vastrix - My back is yours to break. Well, big guy, you can surely try to break my back. I can sure try to twist you up into more submission moves than you can name. Actually, can you name any submission moves? Ah, prolly can name a backbreaker as I’m sure that’s how you intend on breaking my spine and forcing me to vacate this title so that you might have a chance to win it. No repeating yourself seventeen times to Sunday, you won’t. You may as well be handing me the win on a silver platter.
A young man turns his nose up at the offered bookbag, a Steven Universe bag. Jeremiah blinks in confusion as this is the first that this has happened. Well, today anyway. He looks at the young man, who seems to be in high school.
Jeremiah Vastrix - What bookbag would you like?
Young man - I would like a FNAF bookbag?
Jeremiah Vastrix - A what? What’s a FNAF?
The young man rolls his eyes at Jeremiah and pulls out his smartphone, searching something up on Google right quick. He shows Jeremiah a picture of an animatronic bear with a bow tie.
Young man - Five Nights at Freddy’s.
Jeremiah Vastrix - Ohhh. Yeah, we have that.
Jeremiah motions to the staff behind him, and they come up with an FNAF-related bookbag that has Freddy Fazbear on it. He hands it over to the young man, who accepts it with a wide grin.
Young man - Thanks!
Jeremiah pats the young man on the head before he walks away. Jeremiah looks back to the camera.
Jeremiah Vastrix - Tyr, you claim to know about all the things that pertain to wrestling. Wow, I should hope so. You are getting to get into the ring with the Undisputed Champion, so I would imagine that you would know something about the sport in order to be able to rise up high enough to be able to come at me in the ring. Duh. Just because you know these things, doesn’t mean that you actually embrace them. From what I can tell from the little speech that you put out is that you intend to use your greater size to your advantage to hurt me. You think that I’m going to stand still long enough for you to do that to me? You must be the biggest idiot in the company to think that I’m going to stand still for you to break.
Jeremiah gives away a few more bookbags before he is asked to sign another bookbag. This one is Paw Patrol for a young boy getting ready to start in kindergarten.
Jeremiah Vastrix - For the love of all that’s holy. Do I intend to “spit down the mountain” as you say? Yes. I proved that I was better than anyone in this company and won the main championship. I am therefore allowed to spit down the mountain as you say. Anyone who feels the spit covering their body is welcome to come up to the ring with me and hash it out like wrestlers. You note that I would say “like men”, but Astra Morits has been trying to hump my leg like she was in heat in the zap department. The facts remain, I am the champion. I am not only going to remain champion after our match, mostly because the title is not on the line, but my back is going to be just fine after the match. I will put you down. You know what for? The one…two…three. There’s not going to be any excuses for you to have lost the match against me once we meet in that ring.
Jeremiah hands out a bookbag to a high school girl, who gives Jeremiah a predatory look. Jeremiah shakes his head.
Jeremiah Vastrix - If you’re in school, you’re likely too young for me to want to be messing with. Just saying.
High school girl - Oh? Would you rather mess with an old lady like Dita Von Teese?
Jeremiah Vastrix - I prefer not to either go to jail or have an angry father with guns after me.
High school girl - Fine! Fine! Fine! I’m legal in two years…
Jeremiah Vastrix - And that is why I don’t deal with high school girls…
The girl takes her book bag and walks away in a huff.
Jeremiah Vastrix - Tyr…all I see is a rather large man who thinks that he is going to be able to brutalize me in the ring. Not going to happen. I’m going to win the day. I’m going to go into Clash at the Beach undefeated. Tyr, you might go into the unemployment line after being defeated by me. We see how it turns out.
Fade