Shock and Dismay

Jeremiah Vastrix sits by a small campfire on the beach. It’s getting to be night so the fire’s glow lights up his face. He leans back in his camping chair with a smile as he lights up a cigarette. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - You don’t care…you’re retiring. These are deflections, son. You can’t beat me and you know it so you now suddenly “hate the company” and “feel the need to retire”. Bullshit. You would rather leave than actually put up a fight against me. But have no fear. I care enough for us both. I have the best writers working on the best promo by which I will humiliate you before the match. Let me just…

Jeremiah gets his smartphone out with his free hand and dials a number real quick, putting it on speakerphone. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - Hey, Steve! Where are ya with my script? I’d like to get my video posted to their website soon. 

Steve Miller - Hey, boss. I’m almost there. I have you in sight in fact! 

Jeremiah Vastrix - Great. I’m hanging up then. 

Like a minute after Jeremiah hangs up the phone, Steve Miller is there with a couple of pages of printed sheets that he hands to Jeremiah. He flicks his cigarette butt toward the campfire and uses his phone’s flashlight to read the script. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - This shit is so basic, man. You see how you formatted it? How long did it take you to write this?

Steve Miller, a middle-aged man who is starting to go bald at the top, rubs the back of his head with a bashful smile. 

Steve Miller - Well, you see…I was running out of time, so I wasn’t able to get you the normal quality that I was able to do. So I spent like five minutes on *cough*PT.

Jeremiah Vastrix - What? I didn’t get that. You used what? Dragon Naturally Speaking?

Steve Miller - If I could only afford that! No, I used Ch*cough*

Jeremiah Vastrix - You should be taking in a cough drop to clear that up. What did you use that got you this basic script to me so fast?

Steve Miller - ChatGPT! Okay? I got lazy and used an AI writing tool to get you something quick. 

Jeremiah nods, looking down at the papers and then back to Steve Miller. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - I work hard for this, and you give me slop? Bad enough that Nygma wants to quit after knowing that he can’t defeat me, but you want to give me slop to counter his well-considered promo? I bet he worked on his speech for days before he gathered his friends and delivered the fact that he hates the company that pays his bills and allowed him to hold a championship for over a year. 

Steve Miller - Yeah, maybe his prompts…Oh, uhhh *cough* prompts. 

Jeremiah, who was partway into the motion of lighting another cigarette, just stops and nearly lights his eyebrow on fire. He gets the cigarette lit, but yeah…his face is a bit sore. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - Are you saying that my opponent had someone write his promo using AI? That he followed a script generated instead of written? 

Steve Miller - Yeah, so it would only be fair if you did the same. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - No way, man. And besides…how do you know that he did?

Steve Miller - I used a website to record his voice-to-text and run it through another website that verified. One hundred percent AI. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - And that’s why he’s left us…

Steve Miller - What?

Jeremiah Vastrix - Nothing. I’m just put out that someone would do this. 

Steve Miller - So, you want to use the script I generated for you?

Jeremiah places the cigarette between his lips and holds the lit lighter underneath the script that Steve just printed up for him, catching it on fire. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - I would rather lose than cheat. Why don’t you run to the local liquor store instead and pick me up some Seagram’s Screwdrivers? I’m feigning for a buzz. 

Steve Miller - Yeah, boss. I gotchu. 

Jeremiah doesn’t watch as Steve Miller runs off. He drops the burning script into the campfire and sits back down again, smoking his cigarette. 

Jeremiah Vastrix - Retire. Quit. Do whatever makes you happy, Nygma. Know that after Clash at the Beach, I’m going to hold two titles. Before then? I guess I’ll stand over your broken body in the Empty Asylum and hope that you can put yourself back together to face me at Clash at the Beach. Maybe the authentic you…or not. Whatever.