Increasing the Chances
The scene opens inside the office of Lorenzo Brillante, Dirty Dragón’s trusted advisor who has built careers of many stars in Mexico, some of them maybe even weirder than Dragón. The celebrity agent is standing there in a three piece suit that’s a size too large, hair slicked back by a few handfuls of gel, looking… worried.
There are a few reasons for that. For one, any of the furniture he’s used to is pushed away, all in a pile next to one of the walls. The new center of attention in his office is a huge makeshift fitting room. Dirty Dragón stands in front of it, hands in his pockets, looking at Lorenzo with a satisfied smile.
„So… What is this? And why did we have to move my faux-mahogany table for it, scratching the floor?“ Lorenzo asks.
„This,“ Dragón gestures at the fitting room, „is my next genius plan. This is how I win the Champions Carnival and become a champion in AWS.“
„You’re gonna need to go into more detail, DD,“ Lorenzo sighs.
„Right, so, I’m in the battle rumble, right? A battle royal. A regular wrestler gets one slot, runs to the ring, gets eliminated in a few minutes, and that’s done. One person wins and it’s a lottery, because everybody has more or less the same chance, right? The only thing that can help you is if you enter last. Right?“
„Right,“ Lorenzo nods.
„WRONG!“ Dragón yells. „Everybody has the same-ish chance because everybody enters once. So all you have to do is enter multiple times! That’s why I have prepared multiple costumes, will enter as multiple characters and I will have five times the chance of winning than anyone else! You want me to go through them?“
Lorenzo looks intrigued enough and just nods. Dragón disappears in the fitting room, then walks out wearing traditional Bavarian lederhosen.
„What– is this?“ Lorenzo stutters.
„Don’t you get it, ja? This is Mason Wurst, ja? Like Mason Hurst, but he’s from Munich in Germany. He loves radler and bratwursts!“ Dragón says in what is possibly the worst attempt at a German accent anyone has ever heard.
„Alright… Who else you got?“ Lorenzo asks and Dragón disappears once again. Then he emerges in an ostrich costume.
„And this is–„
„Damien Ostrich, of course,“ Dragón says. „He’s a psycho monster from Slovakia, wherever that is. But this one puts his head in the sand when there’s trouble!“
„I doubt there will be sand in the ring, DD. What next?“
Dragón gets rid of the ostrich costume and just pulls out a remote control. The lights start dimming down.
„This is Mike Dimmer,“ Dragón says. Lorenzo just shakes his head.
„I know man… I’m still working on that one. But wait til you see the last two.“
„There’s more?“ Lorenzo asks, but by the time he finishes his sentence, the lights are already at full strength and Dragón is back behind the curtain. In a few seconds, he leaves, wearing a cowboy hat, a massive gold chain, a shiny wristwatch on each hand, and four different rings. He’s also carrying a lasso.
„So I guess this is supposed to be Boone Carter, huh?“ Lorenzo says, losing patience.
„Almost! This is Boeun Cartier, a French cowboy obsessed with jewellry,“ Dragón counters.
„Is that real Cartier? That’s gonna blow up our production budget,“ Lorenzo asks, developing a headache.
„No man, I got this from Temu. It’s all a mix of old Chinese newspapers and shredded passports of people they deported. Anyway, here’s my favorite one,“ Dragón says with the smile of a happy child and gets into the fitting room one more time. The „jewellry“ makes strange plastic sounds as it drops on the floor one by one.
Finally, Dragón emerges from behind the curtain. He’s wearing a massive silicone muscle suit, a wig on top his mask and a fake handlebar mustache.
„This is basically Vin Halsted, but not really. I call him Vin Instead,“ Dragón says.
Lorenzo actually lets out a small chuckle. „Okay, yeah, that is the best one,“ he nods.
„I’m counting with him being tired after the match with The Cohort, so when his music hits, I’ll come out, and, you know, Win Instead of him,“ Dragón laughs.
Lorenzo nods in approval of this concept. He steps back as Dragón actually acknowledges the camera for the first time and peels off the fake mustache and throws the wig on the floor.
„As you can see, AWS faithful, Dirty Dragón wears many hats. Or masks and costumes, in this case,“ Dragón says, addressing the camera directly.
„Behind this mask,“ he says, pointing at his actual black and red lucha mask, „is a brain that NOBODY from that roster of freaks and lunatics has. None of you would have put so much thought and effort into the Battle Rumble. All you do is show up and try to throw the other guys out, no rhyme or reason. That’s what makes me different from all of you. More dangerous than any of you,“ he claims.
„I know I’m fresh in AWS. I’m 2-1. But that doesn’t mean I should be an afterthought. Anywhere else I’ve been? Whether it’s your friends at ECWF or UNIQUE… I’ve taken less than five matches to win my first championship. And I’m planning on doing the same in your freaky Asylum, muchachos,“ he says with a smile.
„And just like in the other companies… I have laid out my entire plan for you. All my costumes, personas, my gameplan. And like always, everybody else in the ring will still be too thick to actually understand it or do anything to stop it. Because a real genius does not need to surprise you. A real genius tells you precisely how he is going to beat you, and then does it anyway.
This coming Monday, you’ll all understand that Champions Carnival, just like any good carnival, isn’t run by the ringmaster… But by that one, really fuckin‘ smart clown.“
Dragón laughs as we fade to black.